The memoir of an 80 yr old woman

Today i celebrated my 80th birthday, i felt really out of place with all those speeches, the smiles that lit up people's faces as they glanced at me, the beautifully decorated hall and everything was just wonderful. While people talked about me, i couldn't help but wonder if we were gathered to celebrate someone else or it was just me. It was really an awesome day for everyone gathered here apart from me. I had to wear that charming smile so my husband, children and grand children wouldn't notice. I felt like i was living another person's dream, it was just not me. That wasn't the first time I'd have that sort of emptiness wash over me, it happened before, some six years before today when i was being conferred with the award of the Member of the Order of the Niger (MON). All my friends were there, they were so happy for me. If it were possible i could have transferred the award to a more deserving person.For you to understand why i feel this way, i will take you back in time.
I had a very ordinary childhood, went to Pre-creche, Nursery, Primary school within the neighbourhood. As a child, i was rather shy and quiet, i only spoke when it was necessary, and i always did it carefully and quietly so most times i talked, anyone would have to ask about two or three times before they really heard me. The confidence just wasn't there and i got really frustrated when anyone had to ask me to repeat what i had said. I missed a lot of opportunities because the world called for a bold and outstanding personality which i don't have to tell you i did not have. The reason i wasn't confident owes largely to the kind of home i grew up in, my siblings and i were only heard when we were asked something and no "unnecessary discussions" were to be engaged in. We were supposed to keep quiet at all times because our parents made it clear that people did not have time for "stupid talks from kids". Somewhere along the line, i got bitter and decided that i was going to show everyone that i could achieve everything they thought i wouldn't.
I devoted my time to acquiring various degrees, i was always in the spotlight, everyone wanted me to speak at every seminar or workshop and to the "unseeing eyes" i was great. I can't even remember the last time i felt emotional, i lived life as though i were a robot, the people i could call friends are mainly those that were on my research groups. The evening my husband proposed to me was unnecessarily long because i was just there in this restaurant and He was telling me all these things that i can't even remember about desiring to spend the rest of His life with me, since i checked all the options and decided i wanted to have children, i said yes so the evening could at least come to an end and I'll get on with my life. I felt so useless those hours and when he finally slipped the ring on my finger, i remember saying "alright now, let's get out of here, i have somethings to work on" i guess he thought everything would work out once i started having children but it wasn't so at all.
After we got married, i got several maid and about every job in the house had its own maid. My husband just could not understand why i wouldn't "slow down". I guess somewhere along the line, i got obsessed with the desire for greatness. I retired some years back and i can't take it all back, i missed out on my children's growing up years and now that i seem to have all the time on my hands, i can't do anything because they are all married and now have their own children. I can't say that I'm truly fulfilled and that's why i had to sneak in here to write this. My advice for all you young ones, don't let anyone take away anytime of your life, do what you're meant to do, as a child, be all that you're meant to be, don't miss out on your teenage years and enjoy your youthful years. It's a good thing to want to achieve greatness but don't sacrifice your life or that of others all in a bid to be great because great people build lives and not tear them apart.
The real indicator of greatness is attaining success in every area and not allowing some to blossom at the expense of others, because you're meant to enjoy greatness and not regret it, so do not sacrifice your happiness just to prove to others that you can achieve something they think you can't. Do it for your own fulfillment not to spite others. Do it right and celebrate yourself just as much as others celebrate you, in fact celebrate yourself than others would. SHALOM

What are you still doing there?

Have you ever wondered why you are still on the same spot despite all you've done to be better, the lessons you've learnt and all that you've done to be better? The truth is nothing will change except we take drastic measures, we must do what others wouldn't do to achieve what others wouldn't. Someone once told me that "Everyone will still be the same person in 50 years, what would have changed is the people they've met and the books they've read." We all have to stand up for ourselves to be where we ought to be. We can't keep doing the same thing and expect a different result, if we want to achieve something more, then we have to give something more. Everything has its own price and this price must be paid to get it.
There's always more to everything but the whole package wouldn't come unless we are willing to go the extra-mile. Most times we convince ourselves that to make it in life you need to be highly connected or you need to know certain people to make a difference, but the truth is that what ever you need is already within you, and whatever you don't have, you don't need.So you can decide to analyse and list everything you don't have or work with what you have. A lot of great people today had very humble beginnings, in fact what makes the story sweet to tell is that despite all, they were able to rise above the circumstances surrounding them.
Our relationships are very important to our lives because the people we move with can either make or mar us. There are vision midwives and vision abortionists, the vision midwives help to deliver your dreams, they support, advise and encourage you while the vision abortionists abort your dreams, they tell you you can't do it and give you examples of the people that have tried and haven't succeeded. Until we begin to understand that we need to propel ourselves forward, nothing will change because if we don't believe there's a problem, a solution will be unnecessary. Always think outside the box, the greatest injustice a man can do to himself is to confine himself, once you have a dream, believe in it, refuse to be discouraged. It is your dream and no one has the right to make you feel like it is beyond scope. Avoid people that do not share your dreams or believe in you.
At every point in time, an evaluation is very necessary, that's why you have to be forward looking, have a detailed plan of what you should be doing and where you should be, always try to see if you're still in line. The ultimate goal of everyone is to be the best they can, always concentrate on your strengths and dwell less on your weaknesses because they're only there to keep you in check, they are not the main actors in your life's scene. Work towards achieving your dreams and always put yourself in check. SHALOM!